Laughing Matters: My Grass is Green, But I've Got the Blues

After years of drought we all wanted rain. Some of us even prayed for it. I think maybe we overdid it because the Lord answered us in spades. Make that buckets. Now my grass is green, but I’ve got the blues—got them so bad that I wrote this little song. I’m sure many of you can relate because your lawns are undoubtedly growing faster than Jack’s beanstalk. Fee-fi-fo-fum I smell the smell of gas fumes and sweat.

My baby she done tole me, y’all better mow the yard
But I told her I cain’t do it ’cause I’m jest too tard
I got da lawnmowin’ blues
Lawd, Lawd I got da lawnmowin’ blues…

But she got out my old Toro
Made me give the cord a yank
Had to tell my honey
dat Briggs & Stratton just won’t crank
I got da lawnmowin’ blues
Lawd, Lawd I got da lawnmowin’ blues…

Said it’s the filter baby, it ain’t lettin’ in no air
Me and Mr. Mower ain’t a-goin’ nowhere
I got da lawnmowin’ blues
Lawd, Lawd I got da lawnmowin’ blues…

So I turned upon my heels and was off to take a nap
‘Til my baby she bent over and unscrewed the cap
I got da lawnmowin’ blues
Lawd, Lawd I got da lawnmowin’ blues…

She done tole me “You get back here,
and don’t you give me no sass
This mower ain’t goin’ nowhere ’cause it ain’t got no gas!”
I got da lawnmowin’ blues
Lawd, Lawd I got da lawnmowin’ blues…

So I mowed the front and back yards,
Got down to my last lap
Just as I was finishin’ I stepped into some crap
I got da lawnmowin’ blues

I got dog poo on my shoes
I got da lawnmowin’ blues
Lawd, Lawd I got da lawnmowin’ bluuues…